You just Survived a Divorce... So, What's Next?
Nov 11, 2019 02:35PM
● By Matthew Gelber
To create a success divorce comes successful co-parenting- Since the children have suffered a divorce the most important thing a divorced couple can do for the betterment of their children is put away their differences and focus on making their children's life the priority. Specifically, coming to an agreement in terms of when the children will be with each parent. In my work in divorce mediation, I work towards an agreement that gives as much equal time as possible. The reason I say that is that children survive divorce the best by having the most stability as possible which includes time with each parent. This comes with an agreement put in place by the parents to never argue in front of the children; also, I simply recommend having a calendar and dates where the children will be AND allow there to be some flexibility when it comes to holidays and vacations. If you couldn't work as a couple, that’s fine at this point, but guess what, you MUST work as a partnership to have the best chances for your children to suffer the least from your divorce. If nothing else has worked in your relationship, I hope that you both can agree that the children's life should be least effected by a failed marriage. Focus on the children and make them the priority, you will have to attend school events together, some holidays and marriages and the future of their lives, forget the animosity and focus the kids. They deserve your absolute best!
To sell the house or not?
Sometimes the first question post-divorce decree believes it or not- If you LOVE your house and your children LOVE your house and it would retain their school district then try to keep it. If not, then SELL IT! Divorce is about starting a new life, so a family house may not be the best idea. Don't get caught up in its my house or your house- it used to be the family house but no longer, so if it’s a better finical decision then put it up to sail ASAP! Take the profits and by your own home to start your new life in. It’s easy to fight over your biggest investment but stop and think, WHY??? Move on and start your new life because you wanted to, or you need to- I recommend selling and moving on. Moving on is the best thing anyone can do in life. Make it happen so it’s the best outcome for you and your family. Having a therapist who will be open and honest with you is key, they will help you make life decisions that incorporate not only your emotional interests but also your financial future. In my practice, I work closely with my clients, so they achieve a twofold goal. 1. Emotion understanding and a new focus in their life. 2. A fresh start that incorporates emotional growth as well and financial freedom and making smart decisions so their life doesn't need to change too much but change as much as they would like it to.
Moving on with your own life-
A divorce is one of two things- either it’s you moving on with your own life or its your partner moving on with their own life, but in real life, its moving on with your own life for both partners, no matter what- That needs to be the new reality- being honest with yourself and realizing that this is now your new life is tough but honest and true to yourself- It can be the best new start one has ever had. Moving on is not just logistics but emotional- You need to deal with both and the best way to deal with both is get a non-biased opinion. Please think of yourself at this time and find a therapist who can help you move on, leave the old behind and find yourself in a new, more honest, more healthy life that can be something you never considered but make amazing and create a new you, one that will produce the best outcomes moving forward.
Matthew Gelber is Psychotherapist who has practiced for over 15 years at The Weldon Center in Malvern. Matt works with Individuals, Couples and Families. Matt specializes in stress, anxiety, trust, relationships, executive management, life coaching and mentoring. You can reach Matt at 610.310.5898 and www.matthewgelber.com
Matthew Weldon Gelber MS Psychotherapist The Weldon Center - Main Line20 Mystic Lane Malvern, Pennsylvania 19355
Phone- 610.310.5898Website- www.mattgelber.com